1. During the school's Eucharistic Procession, I saw some random stranger be let in, while students were kept from going out. I'm no pro, but doesn't security involve keeping people out, instead of keeping people in? There's only one place I know that uses that security scheme.*
They must be having a Eucharistic Procession too...
2. I saw a pro-contraception ("safe sex", whatever that is) party hosted by two candidates for the Darwin Awards. Natural selection at work?
Girl Host: So, you're a medical practitioner? Tell me, what does AIDS stand for?
Raffle Winner: Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
Girl Host: Very good! You know about AIDS! May you have more clients in the future.
Guy Host: Yes!
Audience: [Inwardly Groaning]
Me: Morons....
3. After said party, I was out with my buddies when Iza Calzado walks by. Just behind her, I saw some douchebag walking two paces back stare at me, point at her and give me the "like my piece of poontang?" thumbs up. As I walk out, I see that the douche master is actually unaffiliated with the lovely Ms. Calzado.
No douchebags attached...for now...
4. I saw a five-minute atheist. Unbelief makes a brief, awkward cameo.
5. I've also seen a student-repellent teacher. Bok has been slated to give the Bodega writing lecture for three straight sessions now, but the newbies he was supposed to lecture to never showed. I thought it was just coincidence, until earlier today when Bok left, we decided to have someone else lecture next session. Two newbies promptly showed up, very late, but with perfect comic timing. Sorry, Bok McFly. He he he...
6. I heard a student ( a fairly young one) call me by my nickname. I suppose I should get used to it for now, but it still seemed surreal.
7. I watched a British actor playing an American character in an American TV series deliver a trademark British joke. Its kinda like the Downey Jr. / Lazarus "I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!"
House: What else floats on water?
[Silence.]
House: The correct answer is...a duck.
8. I saw a meme with no questions. It's kinda weird. What makes a meme interesting is the responses various people have to questions posed over a wide array of respondents for comparison. The responses are mere phrase collections without the questions to give them context. As far as I can tell, it looks like a meme asking for a random list of names. Could be asking for a guy's rape list for all I know.
9. I heard teen girls squealing over a "vampire" movie with no discernible vampires.
Guy: Seen any vampires around here?
Girl: I've seen a sparkly fag. Does that count? No? Then, I haven't seen any.
Girl: I've seen a sparkly fag. Does that count? No? Then, I haven't seen any.
10. I just heard "Animal Farm" translated as "Hacienda Animal". (Animal Property?) Now, I understand that some translation work is tricky. However, I question the prudence and translating chops of any translator who did not consider for even a second that translating a classic like "Animal Farm" into "Hacienda Animal" will invoke images of sweaty Mexican couples rolling in the hay. That is, after being kidnapped, lied to or having acid thrown on their faces before a bout of amnesia, etc. etc.
Self-Proclaimed Dramaturg Presents..."Hacienda Animal"...
Bluebell: I want puppies, Jess...
Jess: What if Napoleon finds out, mi amor? Dios mio, he might take our little perritos...
Bluebell: But what about our love?
Jess: What if Napoleon finds out, mi amor? Dios mio, he might take our little perritos...
Bluebell: But what about our love?
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* Disclaimer: Jonathan Wolfe's opinions are not necessarily Jonathan Guillermo's...
[cross-posted at the Junkyard]
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